Last week I turned 48. I had to do the math to figure out just how old my birthday made me. Never being a stickler for age, it really doesn't seem to matter to me how old I am, just so I keep getting older!
The day was wonderful, shared with my in laws from Scotland who are over for a month visiting us. We had some shopping, a lovely dinner and not once did I hate myself for being fat. It was a really good birthday.
Since I haven't stepped on our scale for a while, I can't report my weight. The battery has died and I can't be bothered to change it.
Tomorrow night I'm heading back to Weight Watchers to start with the weekly weigh ins and meetings again. I did it last year for four months of steady losing, then stopped. When we aren't accountable, bad things can happen.
My yo-yo kept doing what yo-yo's do. I put weight back on. Then I started with Passion Parties at the end of last year and took weight off. Now I'm nudging into bad behavior at night, eating things I don't really want to eat and I think the reason is I know I'm not going to be stepping on a scale.
At this point I start to think, "Do I really need to lose weight?" After all, I'm liking myself for the first time in a long time. I'm comfortable in my skin. I'm putting on a bit of makeup now and then. I have highlights in my hair. "Does my weight really matter?"
How I look and feel about myself has nothing to do with my weight. Where my weight becomes an issue is when I know that it is so unhealthy for me to be this way. It goes way beyond being happy with the mirror. Being comfortable in my own body. Not hating myself like I use to do.
Health issue. Yes, I have high blood pressure. Yes, my grandmother and mother both had/have diabetes, yes, my father died of a heart attack. Are these ALL things that being overweight contribute to? YES!
There is nothing I can do except keep trying. On my own isn't so great. I neglect the blog. I neglect my emails. I almost forget just what Little Changes means to me.
Then somewhere from far away, say, Cape Cod, I get an email from a friend who with her words takes me right back to the bicycle days that are now a distant dream or a fuzzy movie I saw on an old drive-in screen.
My journey with weight loss has to continue. I want to keep having birthdays.
Stay tuned, stay safe and never quit trying,